The Original Six Hockey League

AMA/BCAA Fail

2012-01-20T19:44:00.011-07:00

It snows once a year in Victoria.
Found myself at the wrong end of a poorly constructed - but normally very drivable - private road Monday night.
Got right rear wheel stuck in ditch. Front wheels and left-back tire remained firmly on road.
Called CAA. The greeter took the details and dispatched it to Totem in Victoria.
Totem Dispatcher called 15 minutes later to grill me on the quality of the road I slid off, and how far off the asphalt road I was. I could tell she was desperate to avoid sending her boy.
Nonetheless, about 10 minutes later the drver shows up, offering me a ride home without even bothering to see where or how my truck was stuck. When I tell him I'd like his tow truck to - you know - tow me out, he tells me that if he gets stuck, I'll have to pay $150/hr to have a real tow truck come and get us both out. I agree. I even offer to pay in advance.
I could tell he wasn't happy but he does a good job of faking the attempt. Pussy drives about 100 feet down the private road, stops his two-wheel drive truck, gets out, and announces he can't do it. He doesn't even get close enough to SEE my truck, much less tow it.
I walk him the extra 50 feet around a corner to show him the slight incline my truck is on, and how little is actually stuck in the ditch.

He barely glances at the truck and says, "what do you expect, a helicopter to come pull you out?"

I believe it was at that point that I referred to BC as a "province full of cowards."

"What good is an AMA membership if I can't get a simple tow when I need it?"

"It's good for a lot of things."

I cut him off. I didn't feel in the mood to hear about the $35 passport photos or the free maps of Montana rest stops.

Called Her Indoors and arranged a ride. Left the truck for another day.

Meantime, got the Remington out and emailed in a complaint.

Here's the PR douchebag's response:

Dear Mr. [Vandelay]:

In response to your email of service request on January 17th 2012, I have reviewed this call with Dan Bird, the President of Totem Towing. Dan advised us that on the occasion when snow falls in Victoria their staff are instructed to avoid going into areas where there is a risk getting stuck. Also, he is familiar with the area in which you were stuck and supports the decision of his staff. [ed: this is an astonishing claim; even in such a small city there must be tens of thousands of miles of roads, public and private; how any human could know what road I was on when maybe five vehicles have been on that road in the past year is beyond me]. Totem understands how you must feel about this and are truly sorry that they could not deliver the service and meet your needs at that time [ed: this isn't Totem writing this, remember, this is the BCAA PR weasel writing it, presuming Totem's sorrow and my feelings; what a piece of shit].

BCAA advises our members it is up to the driver’s discretion when attending recovery calls. I understand the driver did drive on the road in question, however his truck was sliding [ed: it wasn't; his tracks were straight and true] and he made a decision that it was not safe to attempt the recovery at this time. I also understand that he did offer a ride home [ed: I told BCAA fart-catcher that I have a CAA membership for emergency towing; taxis I can get anywhere].

We don’t have any records for a second service request to assist you and would be interested to know how your vehicle was recovered [ed: now they care]. If another company was hired you may wish to submit your invoice to your home club for reimbursement consideration [ed: notice he didn't actually come out and say CAA would pay for it; what a fkn worm].

Mr. [Vandelay], I know this may not be the answer that you are looking for, please accept my apologies for any inconvenience this situation may have caused you. I am confident that your next experience with CAA will be more pleasant. [ed: my next experience with CAA will be to switch insurance companies, asshole].

If you have any further questions please feel free to contact me directly at (604) 293-2102.

Sincerely,

Gordon Davey

Contract Services Manager

Road Assist

BCAA

T:604.293.2102

F:604.291.7337

Toll:1.877.922.7878 ext:1

www.bcaa.com

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Nanny State economics

2012-01-17T22:36:00.002-07:00

Reason magazine breaks down the cost of smokes, booze and drugs to society.

The Office of National Drug Control Policy says illegal drug use costs society $181 billion annually. But: “Over two-thirds (71.3 percent) of the costs of drug abuse are attributed to lost productivity.” It also notes that $39 billion of that lost productivity results from incarceration, so this “is not a cost of drug abuse but, rather, the costs of current [drug-control] policies.”

Actual health costs from drug abuse? Less than 9 percent of the total.

The "Make My Day" Mom

2012-01-06T23:08:00.002-07:00

Ebony and Ivory

2012-01-03T23:57:00.001-07:00

As the NHL tries to determine what Krys Barch might have called PK Subban, Deadspin ponders the outcome of an all-white v all-black NFL matchup.

Jammin`the Blues

2011-12-31T00:32:00.006-07:00

Maybe not as visually impactful on the handheld wireless as on the Victrola, but this is about the coolest 10 minutes you`ll see for a while. TCM aired it Friday as part of its tribute to films in the National Film Registry. They really start kickin` it at about the 5:45 mark.

And then there was this (listen for Entwistle`s bass line, esp after the camera exclusively focuses on Moon and Townshend in anticipation of the guitar solo)...

Glass Menagerie

2011-12-21T23:27:00.000-07:00

I thought Mike Green hurting his groin while trying to dodge a puck that gave him a concussion anyway was a stupid injury.
But this is the cake-taker.

For the Hippie on your Christmas List

2011-12-21T11:25:00.002-07:00

Now you can live in a Skid Row closet for $999 a month

2011-12-19T18:22:00.004-07:00

I wonder how badly THESE ONES leak?
Zombies extra.

"I love that guy . . . ."

2011-12-16T13:43:00.005-07:00

I'm wondering if HE hit the kid with his shoe?

In the name of a balanced presentation, a comment posted by "icewalker" on The Province's site: "I was there and this is what happened: He grabbed the JERSEY of a kid who repeatedly tried to start a fight with his son, and asked him what his problem was. It wasn't during a game, it was during a skills competition."

If that's the case, why didn't Milbury find the kid's mom and shake her down instead?

If you want blood, you got it

2011-12-10T15:58:00.001-07:00

These HOCKEY CARDS should keep the knuckle-dragging mouth breathers in the cheap seats happy.

The Boogeyman

2011-12-05T21:08:00.000-07:00

The NY Times looks at Derek Boogaard. And Part II.
PG rates a mention.

Fkn Hippies

2011-12-01T23:40:00.000-07:00

Good luck with those exploding cars.

Welcome to B.C., where expensive sh*t that leaks is normal

2011-11-26T23:52:00.007-07:00

It cost $563,000,000. And it leaks like a sieve. But they're gonna play the 99th Grey Cup under
THE DOME anyway. In a monsoon.

It's not like Vancouverites aren't used to paying way too much money for SHIT THAT LEAKS

I moved away.

Seriously funny sh*t

2011-11-26T23:18:00.003-07:00

It must be GREY CUP

The combatants are 73 years old, 48 years removed from the Grey Cup.

I love the CFL.

Arguing

2011-11-26T03:01:00.000-07:00

Cracked shows us how we get it all wrong.

Live Albums

2011-11-16T12:04:00.002-07:00

Slate lists some all-time favorites.

Hockey Hall of Fame

2011-11-15T00:28:00.004-07:00

Paul Henderson not in.
Rick Middleton not in.

Legendary fat-ass in.

Seriously, now.

He was writing one-sentence paragraphs for The Fishwrap when I was a rag-fag about 35 years ago. This is his Nov. 4, 2011 opus.

What's the requirement for getting into the writer's wing, anyway? Avoiding dying?

Oddities

2011-11-14T23:28:00.001-07:00

Silver Screen is showing The Conquerer, a movie starring John Wayne as Genghis Khan that is so bad it's actually funny.
Got to reading the imdb reviews, including this one that refers to the shooting location being swamped with radioactive fallout.
People magazine, believe it or not, did an interesting story about it:

Of The Conqueror's 220 cast and crew members from Hollywood, an astonishing 91 have contracted cancer...No bombs were tested during the actual filming of The Conqueror, but 11 explosions occurred the year before. Two of them were particularly "dirty," depositing long-lasting radiation over the area. The 51.5-kiloton shot code-named "Simon" was fired on April 25, 1953, and the 32.4-kiloton blast "Harry" went off May 19. (In contrast, the bomb dropped on Hiroshima was 13 kilotons.)

Tom Clements

2011-11-14T22:04:00.000-07:00

Things got so dull in the GB v MINN blowout on MNF the cameras panned to their QB coach.

I recall when Clements got hacked by the KC Chiefs after barely taking a snap in the pre-season, CFRN runs a piece where some talking head in KC says "Clements didn't do enough." Cut back to a young Randy Hahn on the sports desk - now the SJ Sharks play-by-play guy I believe - who says, "The Chiefs haven't done enough for about 20 years," before trying to continue with the sportscast.

This I remember.

Last night at the gym, I forgot which locker I put my gear in. After being there only an hour.

Hell on Wheels

2011-11-13T01:00:00.001-07:00

Where else can you get a revenge fantasy, marauding Injuns, bitter ex-slaves and a grandiloquent, greedy railroad baron all in one hyper-violent ball of fun?
Debut was tonight but they're hyping it as Sunday's 10 p.m. on AMC.

Burn your retinas

2011-11-12T17:43:00.000-07:00

Click over to NBC just once during the early HNIC game (and probably halfway through the 2d game, too) to catch a glimpse of the unis on ND v Maryland.
I know what a Fightin' Irish is. But I had to google to find out what a Terrapin is. I thought it might be French for Crusader or NASCAR Caution Flag.

Life Imitating OSHL

2011-11-12T11:10:00.005-07:00

World hockey championships are going with an Angry Flugels look.

Totally unrelated: some great boring photos.

And Penn State does some Soviet-era editing on a wall mural.

I'm broke, gimme, gimme, gimme

2011-11-11T17:30:00.019-07:00

Peter Schiff, as close to an economic freedom-fighter as we have today, walks into the middle of a ~~Phish concert~~ bunch of whining hippie socialists/fact-challenged crazies Squatting Wall Street and makes his case for capitalism.
Horrible mic technique and the camera stylings of a Homicide: Life on the Street episode, but if you just listen to it without having to look at it, you can focus on the discussion.

Nobody wants to hear about the difference between marginal and nominal tax rates, or how the engine of an economy is saving (i.e. investing) not spending/consumption.

The sweetest irony is the state-employed stooge accusing the 1% of taking money. Schiff repeatedly tries to point out that without ~~Edmonton City Council~~ government, ~~the Katz Group~~ private corporations would have no power over us, and would only get our money through ~~tickets sales to hockey games~~ voluntary exchange.

Even better, the woman who makes the dubious claim that she's in the 1% and bald-facedly tells Schiff she'd be willing to pay more than the 10% tax she allgedly pays. Schiff retorts: "Nobody's stopping you from writing a bigger cheque each spring."

Props to the young man in the tie for dropping "synecdoche" into the conversation, as in, "don't get hung up on the Wall Street thing, dude; what we really resent is all people who have more money than we do."

One clean-cut, articulate man reminiscent of a young Barry O'Bama sticks with it long enough to suggest that Schiff has a lot in common with the Occupiers and that he should use his voice to propel the movement in the right direction. Sadly, not long after claiming to be pro-capitalist, he reaches into the Communist Manifesto and suggests greed is immoral and that profits should be capped. Thanks for coming out, Karl.

Why Gold?

2011-11-11T14:48:00.000-07:00

Slate turns to The Periodic Table of Elements.

Sign of the Apocalypse

2011-11-11T03:40:00.002-07:00

The only thing worse than a movie with Adam Sandler in it?
A movie with two Adam Sandler's in it.

Missing parts of conversations

2011-11-10T18:05:00.000-07:00

Watching EDM v BOS online. TV Finland's feed or something.
They come back from the intermission, shot of Theo Peckham in the sin bin.
Jack Edwards: "I'm not sure Grant Fuhr would agree."
Andy Brickly: /mad cackling.

More good hockey lists

2011-11-10T15:49:00.007-07:00

One-word descriptions for NHL head coaches.
As dog is my witness, I had no idea who DAL's coach was.

Most Painful Injuries.

The Thoreson nut-shot is great. He's writhing on the ice and Healy's basically calling him an actor. Then he goes on to comment how the Caps really look forward to this in spring, as he describes the man-pile at centre ice following Green's goal. Cuthbert closes the clip by contrasting the goal celebration by the Caps with the distress of Thoreson. A hockey classic on every level.

Fourth clip in, still don't understand how Chara gets punted for that. Seems like bad engineering more than dirty play. But it's a notable clip in that Crazy Jack Edwards is the voice of reason on the play, expressing grave concern for Pax, whereas Andy Brickley basically wonders why it was a major penalty.

Stevens laying out Lindros with a flying elbow smash that would get him booked for 10-20 games these days.

The Masterton clip is tough because you have old men still breaking down trying to talk about it.

And if you're at work, be prepared for people to check you out after the Malarchuk travesty. You won't be able to resist saying something out loud.

Some familiar hockey names

2011-11-10T02:32:00.000-07:00

Most Overrated Athletes of all time

It's all Good

2011-11-06T21:27:00.003-07:00

First of all, thank you for all the feedback at the draft, the blog and emails.

I'm not a big fan of making changes, however if we can give everyone lots of leadup time, close a loophole and add an enhancement, we will do what is required for the betterment of the Pool as a whole.

The following changes will occur in the years ahead.

Next year, October 2012, for the auction, we will tweak the Auction list, based on the number of player protected, we will likely shorten the list slightly, add a greater weighting for PIMs and will likely see fewer defenseman overall as later in the Auction list (these were primarily the no bids) Not a big change, a very minor tweak.

Beginning at Roster Protection Deadline, October 2013, Players who ended the prior season on the Farm, who are no longer rookie eligible can be protected, however their contract will be BC2 (not BC1, this eliminates the red-shirt loophole). All else remains the same pertaining to rookies.

Beginning for the 2013-2014 season, October 2013, The rookie draft will be shortened to one round (from the current two).

No other changes to the OSHL at this time.

Enjoy the season!

It's a topsy-turvy world

2011-11-05T16:55:00.000-06:00

The only thing more unbelievable is this:

While BOS tries to make the world right again starting tonight on the Grapes and Pinhead Show, there are two, count 'em, two Top 15 matchups in prime time tonight, including 1 v 2 that's been sitting there on the sked, waiting since early last month.
CBS and ABC.
6 Mountain

Plus 9 v 7 online at:
http://www.vipbox.tv/sports/american-football.html

We should all give up this blogging thing

2011-11-04T23:58:00.001-06:00

because there's nothing we could do here that can beat this post.

Around the League in 33 Bands

best hockey blog post I've ever read.

Last Gladiators

2011-11-02T16:44:00.004-06:00

Holy cow, has anyone seen the early edition of TSN Sportscentre?
They previewed the Michael Farber doc on Chris Nilan.
He's been a heroin junkie and looks it.
At one point I thought Nilan was going to bum a smoke off Farber.

I'm poor. Gimme, gimme, gimme.

2011-11-02T12:04:00.003-06:00

Reason magazine tells the Occupy hippies to give their heads a shake.

Achtung, Baby

2011-11-02T02:13:00.003-06:00

Slate ranks the U2 albums.

Then they take a run at the best U2 songs.

Totally pointless trivia

2011-11-01T22:29:00.000-06:00

"K" is the 15th-most common first letter for last names in US America.

The Boners have 6 FWs whose last names begin with "K."

What are the odds?

State of the Union

2011-10-29T15:51:00.003-06:00

State of the Union

Draft Day was a big hit again this year and it provides a great opportunity to get feedback on the Pool. Several thoughts made their way into discussions, and I thought I’d share a few of them here. We all value the traditions of the Pool and want the best experience for all, I’ve summarized some of the ideas below. I’m not a fan of change for the sake of change, however sometimes a change or tweak for the better is just that. I look forward to comments.

#1 Based on the data of the Draft Day Auction, Auction off 170 players in randomized groups of 10F/6D/1G accounting for projected point and penalty minutes, for goalies wins. This is a very slight refinement of the current system and based on the actual amounts paid in the past two years. Last year we used 9/6/2 and went to 180.

#2 Have the Rookie Draft be one round instead of two and return the rookie draft to draft day.

#3 Eliminate the Rookie ‘Red Shirt’. The rookie rule as it stands now, gives the OSHL Owners the flexibility to determine when a rookie player makes his way from the farm to active. An unintended consequence is the ‘red shirt’ year, and keeping a NHL playing rookie on the farm to protect a year of contract. The OSHL is not based a NCAA Football Pool where they ‘red shirt’ players, we are an NHL Pool. A rookie should be a rookie, a sophomore a sophomore. The idea, beginning in 2013-2014 at roster protection time, a farm player protected who is going into his sophomore year (not Calder eligible) would be BC2 not BC1, this eliminates the incentive to distort a players contract year and removes the incentive to keep him on the farm.

#4 For Long Term Salary Increases, make each additional year $2 instead of $1. So a $1.00 BC2 player signed to a LT 1/3 deal would be $5.00 1/3 not $3.00 1/3 , I was the one who made this rule up in 1984 based on Rotisserie Baseball’s Rules, it may be time to join the new century.

Bring it…

Bend over

2011-10-26T22:48:00.005-06:00

Congratulations on your new downtown ARENA.

The lowlights:
"The plan, which passed 10-3, uses money from the city, Oilers owner Daryl Katz, a ticket tax and a hoped-for contribution from the province to fund an arena costing no more than $450 million." (Financial breakdown oddly missing from article.)

"In the meantime, Mandel is taking the next crucial step toward seeing the arena built — convincing a reluctant provincial government to provide $100 million in some form to complete the financing."

"But a source for the remaining $100 million in funding must be determined before the deal can be completed."

I hope Nenshi has the balls (and brains) to tell the 'Lames zillionaire owners to get stuffed when they come to him, cap in hand, looking for handouts.

Would you buy a used 2x4 from this man?

2011-10-21T10:25:00.011-06:00

Front page below the fold, under the "Gadhafi's Dead" headline, is the Journal's daily lobbying update on the city's dick extension.
I was shocked to learn that the head of the largest construction company in the city is in favor of a $500M construction project.

The money quote:

I do believe that this is coming to a point that, if the city doesn't make a decision soon and start moving forward, some other city will capitalize," Douglas said Thursday by phone from Phoenix.

I've never been to Winnipeg - and dog willing I'll never have to go - but this next sentence sounds like a setup to a punchline:

When Winnipeg lost the Jets, it lost much of its identity, excitement and status, Douglas said.

Ray Turchansky - who was either the Eskies beat reporter or the general sports columnist back when I was delivering rags - morphed into a fine business reporter. He's on D1 today

asking pertinent questionshttp://www.edmontonjournal.com/business/Where+should+arena+really+building/5584750/story.html

Canadian Football has a Hall of Fame?

2011-10-18T13:48:00.000-06:00

Apparently it does.

Cam Cole laments that Damon Allen didn't make it into the hall in his first year on the ballot; instead, he got the call this fall. Cole goes on:

Allen's omission a year ago, though, was among the all-time Hall of Fame snubs, probably even more pronounced than the hockey hall's continuing insistence that one of the most heroic figures in the game's history, 1972 Summit Series decider Paul Henderson, isn't worthy.

Corporate welfare 101, or how to get your arena paid for

2011-10-16T08:31:00.003-06:00

Only Calvin of CALVIN and HOBBES can make it understandable to all of us.

Name That Arena

2011-10-14T21:37:00.012-06:00

The Carpet-Bagger and the Weasel came home from New York after meeting with The Ferret, and to nobody's surprise, the City With No Potholes is ready to give the billionaire his corporate welfare.
Now about that $100M contribution from the Drug Kingpin: he's not actually putting up $100M.
Turns out, he's going to pay the interest on the $100M over 30 years.
Some guy claiming to be a journalist by the name of David Staples was on the radio this evening calling hockey the most significant cultural happening in Edmonton....pause to let that sink in....and was wondering why, if we're building a new provincial museum for nearly $400M why we can't find it in our hearts to build a half-billion-dollar arena for the Oilers.
Since it's looking more and more like a fait accompli, I suggest - totally stolen from Canadian Weekender when they took suggestions on the then-under-construction domed stadium in Toronto:

TheTaxpayerGetsScrewedAgainDome

Though, now that I think of it, Mandeldome has a nice ring to it.
For you stout defenders of Reverse Robin Hood, here's a nice bit of work from Oiler blogger Tyler Dellow, wherein he illustrates some money-saving ideas on the new digs.

There’s so much public money in the NHL now that it’s effectively immune from competition – nobody’s going to build WHA2 a bunch of rinks so that they have the necessary cash to compete with the NHL for talent. This means that the NHL owners can now engage in fights with the players about the division of the excess profits every six or seven years. Every journalist, every voter, every politician and every fan who has supported this nonsense over the years is responsible for the continual demand for more money from government. They have enabled this pillaging.

He continues:

Now, I don’t like to agree with David Staples on the arena stuff – it’s people like him who are responsible for such a healthy percentage of North American GDP being diverted into the pockets of industrialists and athletes as well as the fact that actually attending live sporting events is basically for fat cats....

Dellow goes on to discuss the fate of the Northlands Mausoleum and the commenters offer their own opinions. Let me be the first to suggest that within six months of Mandeldome opening, Northlands' board will attempt to vacate its responsibilities over the Mausoleum, and within a year the wrecking balls will level it, leaving a smoking crater in the middle of a neighbourhood that never "revitalized" and had a pointless, going from nowhere to nowhere freeway pounded through it to serve that very same arena.

I remember my dad walking me past the construction, and peering through the cutouts in the plywood that kept the public from presumably leaping to their deaths at the site. My lifetime. And already we're replacing a perfectly good hockey rink.

Edmonton property owners and Alberta taxpayers deserve better than to be deprived of their money by a corporate welfare queen and his fully paid-for council and "journalists."

Like many states in US America, Virginia's runnin' red. Reason magazine has some advice: stop funding college athletics.

If the chumps in this city had just rolled over for Peter Puck, you might not have had to witness this:

Sure, Hemsky's hurt already, but...

2011-10-14T19:24:00.001-06:00

Was it just my imagination or was today about the nicest day of the year out there?

Meanwhile, in Grimley's favorite city, rioters are being encouraged to turn themselves in. No, not Guns-for-tickets, but close.

Burn Down Wall Street

2011-10-14T11:19:00.001-06:00

Wait, I may have slightly misread that.

In Joseph Stiglitz’s nice phrase: it’s government of the 1 per cent, by the 1 per cent and for the 1 per cent. The occupiers are “the other 99 per cent” and they’re finally speaking up. And if they assemble in public spaces, it’s because their elected assemblies – both Democrat- and Republican-dominated – have failed them.

And now in New Canadian Format.

Groups in Calgary, Victoria and Edmonton are also planning action on Oct. 15.

If the playoffs started today . . .

2011-10-14T07:44:00.003-06:00

. . . the Oilers WOULD BE IN.

Free rinks for everybody!
or
Rinks on the house!

Whatever Happened to Losing with Dignity?

2011-10-13T12:44:00.000-06:00

A Parable

2011-10-12T20:49:00.003-06:00

A private businessman in the City of Chumps, let's call him the Chainsaw, wants to build a factory for his business. He says the old one is outdated.
The new factory won't create any new direct jobs. Same old minimum-wage scraps.
But Chainsaw promises that it'll stimulate other businesses to start up. Doesn't bother to say whether they'd be businesses that would otherwise start up in the city anyway. But they'll appear, like mushrooms after a rain, he says. But Chainsaw promises to chip in a dollar for every $4 that taxpayers provide.

A politician, let's call him the Sausage, happens to be mayor of the same city. He's willing to commit the city to paying $100M-$300M to help Chainsaw build a factory. Sausages does not disclose his list of campaign contributors. He travels to New York on the taxpayers' dime to lobby on behalf of the factory.

A journalist, let's call him BigLeague, desperately wants the factory to remain in town. In fact, if the factory gets built, he gets to keep his job covering all the ribbon-cutting ceremonies sure to result from the factory being in town. Also, the factory will spend heavily on advertising in the newspaper that pays BigLs' salary.

That leaves 21 other taxpayers in the City of Chumps, who are each being asked to contribute, at minimum, $20 per person in their household to help Chainsaw build his factory.

Help stimulate the economy of Edmonton. Please send a cheque for $20 to:
Chainsaw
c/o Art Vandelay
Box 12
Station E
Edmonton, AB, T5W 2A6

21 x $20 = $420
Plus $84 from me

Let's get 'er done.

Just say No

2011-10-12T18:42:00.002-06:00

To welfare for billionaires.

And I thought it was only the Liberals . . .

2011-10-12T07:42:00.009-06:00

Why Canadian politicians and their friends, particularly the close friends of the PM, are entitled, BLOOD-SUCKING PARASITES; Part 5,684,202,481,177

I can't hear you

2011-10-10T21:45:00.001-06:00

Is it just my tin horn or it there a problem with the sound mix on MNF?

I hear mostly stadium noise, with the voices of the three stooges in the booth audible, but not enough to follow what they're saying.

Thought it was just my TV at home, but ma's Magnavox is the same thing.

Anybody else actually hear what the booth announcers are saying?

Knives come out for Grapes

2011-10-10T16:39:00.003-06:00

When the lede is, "Just when we thought that we knew how low our national buffoon could sink," you know it's gonna be good.

The "three pukes" are going to shiv Grapes on Tuesday.

I used to think that the only way we'd be rid of the Old Goat is if he dropped dead on air, but now I'm not so sure. The CBC brass had to issue that grovel on FRI apologizing for his incoherent rant on opening night, and now the spectre of a slander lawsuit hangs over him.

I'd say the severance package for Gramps will be drawn up by TUE evening.

Portrait of a Lapdog

2011-10-10T14:36:00.011-06:00

Excerpt from John Mackinnon's ~~1500-word lobbying effort for Darryl Katz~~ column in the local fishwrap on Monday, front page of sports, headlined: "Arena casts shadow over bright future."

"The choice is between taxpayers footing the entire bill for a new arena, or the entire cost of renovating Rexall Place and the flawed-but-fair private-public partnership Katz and the City have been working on for three years."

In response, I emailed Mackinnon:

John,
I would politely suggest that you have ignored at least one option in your third-last paragraph today:
Not paying a single cent of taxpayer money into the project.
If Darryl Katz had a backbone, he'd don a mask, carry a gun, and go door to door robbing Edmontonians of their contribution to his private business.
But this being a corporatist society, he is using city hall to do his dirty work.
We ran Peter Puck out of town and out-waited the Group of 37. Maybe it's time overly taxed Edmontonians introduced The Drugstore Baron to Highway 2.

[Art Vandelay]
Edmonton taxpayer

Mackinnon wrote back:

You're right, that is a choice.
Although why you need to frame it in such sinister terms is beyond me.
It is absolutely a choice Edmontonians can make, one that would mean sending the Oilers down the same highway.
If people with your attitude win, though, what have you won?

I couldn't help myself:

John,
"Sinister"? Really?
Come on, now.
Pocklington will die a disgraced ex-convict, but Edmontonians were smart enough to long ago recognize a carpet-bagger when he was in our midst.
The Group of Opportunists ran out of time and money before they could take our money.
And we will prevail over the latest chiseler, even if he has Mayor Mandel in his pocket.

What would I win if the Oilers leave?
The freedom to spend my money as I see fit, instead of having it stolen under force of law to subsidize a would-be corporate welfare recipient.
Oilers are a privately owned business. There are no third-party verifiable studies that show they or any pro sports team generate a net economic benefit to Edmonton or elsewhere. The city will thrive - or not - with or without the Oilers. And the Oilers provide no boost to my self-esteem or pride or whatever esoteric, non-quantifiable variables supporters might want to bring into the discussion.

I recognize that giving three pages a day of coverage to the Oilers sells papers, so it's self-interest to promote the Taxpayer Dome.
It is unfortunate if your job in Sports would also go down the highway with the Oilers. But as a former employee of the rag down the highway, I can confidently predict that you could get reassigned to the City Desk or could be laying out inside pages, or whatever.
But you and your paper lose credibility by failing to address all the possibilities. Instead, you appear to be a shill for Katz and Co.
If only out of self-respect, cover all the angles.
Sincerely,
[Art Vandelay]
Tired Taxpayer

Mackinnon's bizarre response:

Just your tax money?
You sure the evil bandits aren't after your precious bodily fluids, General Ripper?
I'd take your arguments more seriously if you weren't stealing lines from Dr. Strangelove.
Happy Thanksgiving.

To be fair, Tryptophan Delirium Syndrome has yet to be recognized by the Merck Manual or the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (currently DSM-IV) so I have to allow that Mackinnon is an undiagnosed sufferer. But he quotes Dr. Strangelove himself, then suggests I'm stealing lines from it. [As dog is my witness the entire text of our emails are reproduced here, except for the name being redacted]. Or maybe he doesn't want to get into it with an angry old man blogging from his mom's basement. Disclaimer: Mom's LIVING ROOM. On a stolen wireless signal.

But I figure there's no point trying to engage in a debate about legitimate economic choices with an intellectual flyweight who is making up conversations in his own head, so I go over the top rope with:

John,
I'd take your arguments more seriously if you weren't a shill for Katz or a member of the dead-tree media.
How much does he pay you to be his servant?
You don't even have the intellect or the spinal column to meet the arguments head on. Instead you engage in diversions.
No wonder nobody but 85-year-olds buys your fishwrap.We are being spoon-fed pablum by morons. Probably works for some hockey fans. But as a member of a hockey pool that's been in existence for 27 years, your snake oil isn't selling.
Good luck on the unemployment rolls when the Oilers move.
Your buddy just built a new Rexall near my house. Maybe you could get a job selling cosmetics there.

I sent Mackinnon the link, so in case it helps, I'll summarize:

Me:
Taxpayers shouldn't pay a penny to prop up a private business.

Mackinnon:
If that attitude prevails, what have you won?

Me:
I'd win the freedom to dispose of my income as I see fit.

Mackinnon:
You're a conspiracy theorist.

Me:
You're not smart enough to be advising readers on the merits of a half-billion-dollar project.

OSHL Rookie Draft 2011

2011-10-02T16:53:00.000-06:00

OSHL Rookie Draft 2011

Sports as Vampire

2011-09-30T22:05:00.003-06:00

Glendale isn't the only Metro Phoenix municipality giving money away on sports.

Tempe, meanwhile, will pay the Fiesta Bowl $6.45 million through 2013 to host the Insight Bowl, another game that the Fiesta Bowl operates in Sun Devil Stadium.

The city recently eliminated 211 ½ positions, and employees had to take furloughs.

...

The Scottsdale Convention & Visitors Bureau signed an agreement to pay the Fiesta Bowl $8.2 million over 20 years starting with the 2006-07 football season. In exchange for the money, which the bureau receives from city hotel-bed taxes, the Fiesta Bowl requires participating teams to stay in Scottsdale-area hotels and resorts.

The universities that go to the bowls often lose money, largely due to being forced to buy game tickets and the cost of travel.

Just tryin' to help

2011-09-30T00:59:00.033-06:00

Look, you ~~fearful, brain-damaged soccer moms~~ bad drivers, learn how roundabouts/traffic circles work.

The City of Hippies went roundabout crazy a few years ago. They're used as "traffic-calming" devices on roads that were originally built as goat tracks but have evolved into connector roads for commuters, or sometimes in lieu of 4-way stops on side streets, and in at least one case as a way to funnel traffic in and out of a McDonalds. As far as I know, they're all the simple one-lane, one-way version pictured here, not the multi-lane extravaganzas that drivers in FirstPickOverallCity have to deal with, or the mega-lane nightmares in Euroland.

According to Transport Canada, there are 4 basic rules to a roundabout, which means being an OSHL owner is more complicated.

Twice - I say twice - today I was behind melonheaded broads who forgot Rule 4.a:
Never come to a full stop in a roundabout unless traffic conditions require it.
They just came to a complete stop so they could politely wave through the guy sitting to their right - at the YIELD sign.

I'm getting kangaroo bars installed on the Miata so that when I hit your PT Cruiser, you're going through the windshield for a field goal.

Bonus driving lesson: If that light is green and you're the front car in the left-turn lane, you're supposed to be out there in the intersection, waiting to make a safe left turn on the current solid green. You do not sit behind the white line waiting for yellow/red/advanced green 5 minutes later. Stop being such a pussy. Get out there. Or your gonna get the 'roo bars up yer ass.

Free Tv sports

2011-09-24T16:02:00.000-06:00

http://www.vipbox.tv/

For you guys who want to watch Wild v Blue Jackets pre-season tilts. Or the Oilers D squad (ed: how can you tell?) play the Flamers B squad.

I've got FSU v Clemson going but the checklist includes Limey football, Aussie Rules, rugby and other fun stuff.

John, first-time caller

2011-09-23T22:01:00.000-06:00

"Do you think the Oilers should trade Sam Gagner for Tyler Seguin, Brad Marchand and Tuuka Rask? The Oil could really use an upgrade in net and Seguin wasn't really an important part of the Bruins cup win. Gagner's not working out here and we have a lot of quality forwards all of a sudden. And that Marchand would help us when we play Vancouver. I really feel the Bruins would do this deal. I'll hang up and listen to your answer."

/have to get in shape during the pre-season.

See ya, suckas

2011-09-22T10:50:00.005-06:00

Markets melting down. Lucky for me, I won big this morning.

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When I joined that South African World Cup Rotisserie League Pool I never imagined it would lead to this. Here I was, kicking myself for taking Zidene Zidane in the third round, only to find out he'd retired years ago.

We Wish You . . .

2011-09-20T14:55:00.002-06:00

A Merry Jets-mas; We Wish You A Merry Jets-mas; We Wish You a Merry Jets-mas; and a full stein of beer.

Apparently there are TWO things to do in Winnipeg

2011-09-18T12:10:00.004-06:00

Even Pearl Jam's happy to have the Jets back in Winnipeg.

Conspiracy theories

2011-09-15T21:01:00.012-06:00

OK. So in 1985, an Air India flight leaves Montreal and explodes in mid-air off the coast of Ireland. All 329 people on the Boeing 747 die following a bomb blast on the airliner. Twenty-six years and around $750 billion worth of due process later, a guy is in jail for lying in court. The other two charged are acquitted.
Fast forward to 1998. A Swissair McDonnell Douglas MD-11 leaves JFK International in New York City. By the time it's over Halifax, the flight deck is on fire, the crew loses control of the aircraft and it slams into the Atlantic Ocean around Peggy's Cove, NS. All 229 people on board perish.
But WAIT A MINUTE.
One of the crash investigators suggests an "incendiary device" sparked the fire in the cockpit because of high traces of magnesium found.
RCMP brass reportedly orders him to remove any reference to magnesium or a suspected incendiary device from his investigative notes.
Official cause of crash: an accident caused by a fire in the cockpit, likely sparked by an electrical fault.
Was it swept under the carpet because Canada didn't have the stomach and the budget to go through another Air India court case?
Or was it something else?
On that Swissair jet is a Saudi prince, a relative of the former Shah of Iran, some UN big hats and about half a billion$$ in diamonds and jewels. The goods never turn up.
Was that stuff even on the plane when it left the runway at JFK?
Better still: Other than their names on the flight manifests, were those people even on that plane?

SOLD!

2011-09-15T18:56:00.003-06:00

Guess the STARS will be staying at Sandman Inns on the road now.

Call me crazy

2011-09-14T21:14:00.002-06:00

Not hard to do, I know. Especially after I admit in 12-step fashion that I've purchased a 1/4 share in a pair of Winnipeg Jets season tickets. Works out to 11 games, including Tuesday's preseason titanic battle between half the Jets squad vs. half the Columbus Blue Jackets.

Just how bad could half of these teams be when their full squads almost finished last — barely "trailing" the Oilers dynasty?

Nevertheless, the city's beyond excited, and the nostalgia factor's through the roof. Office talk has rotated between season tickets, logos, jerseys, Dave Ellett's OT goal against Edmonton (which failed to win a series) and Dancin' Gabe sightings.

The signing of half-baked prospect Zach Bogosian today led to yet another productivity drop for 15 minutes (nothing compared to Admiral Byfuglien's boating adventures though).

I'd even get a shot at Eastern Conference playoff games this season, but let's face it, the Jets' chance at making the post-season is in the single digits out of 100.

Chances of Takin' Care of Business (by Winnipeg's BTO) being played at preseason opener?

99%.

Fkn eh

2011-09-12T15:53:00.002-06:00

Maybe I'm getting soft in my old age. Maybe it's because I dislike where the NHL has gone in the last decade. Maybe I'm totally out of my fkn head and don't get it.
But I'm still really glad MARC SAVARD is getting his name chiseled into the Stanley Cup.
I'm a Habs fan by default (born in Ville Marie), but I'm temporarily ditching my sworn hatred for the B's for doing this.
Class act. And that's saying more nice things than I'd ever want to say about the fkn Bruins.
So there.

A plea for athletic mediocrity

2011-09-09T08:40:00.003-06:00

Or: We're No. 20! We're No. 20!
This just in; in the realm of international athletic competition, nobody gives a sh*t about anyone
NOT WINNING A MEDAL.
But that won't keep Canadian also-rans from defending their last position.
So go ahead and compete. It's good for you. But when you finish 10th, don't expect anyone other than your immediate family and friends to celebrate.

The door opens, just a crack

2011-09-09T07:30:00.003-06:00

Three dead NHL enforcers in the last few months. I was wondering.

"A lot of guys in my role kind of carry these demons around with them."
-- Tough guy TODD FEDORUK on his role as NHL enforcer and his methods for dealing with those demons.

Interesting. At least he didn't wind up dead.

Yes, I'm a heartless prick

2011-09-08T22:08:00.000-06:00

Ten Years Later:

NOBODY GIVES A SHIT!

Had to get that out of my system in case I go on a three-day bender and miss the wall-to-wall remembrance p-rn that is starting to be unleashed on every channel not acronymed TCM.

No mo Lokomotiv

2011-09-07T08:15:00.002-06:00

Guys like Ruslan Salei and Pavol Demitra are on the roster of THIS TEAM.
No word yet if they were on this particular flight with Lokomitiv.

Now that's hockey!

2011-09-06T08:54:00.000-06:00

And a A LOT OF IT

Vancouver's a riot

2011-09-03T03:35:00.002-06:00

Cops are still making excuses in lieu of arrests.
Maybe they should bone up on Tear Gas in Law Enforcement. Next time 'round, "criminals and the criminally insane" won't get away with such mayhem.

Another enforcer turns up dead

2011-08-31T16:51:00.002-06:00

At this rate, GOONAGE is going to cost more than goals.
R.I.P., Wade Belak.

NHL takes another shot to the head

2011-08-31T16:16:00.003-06:00

The news for MARC SAVARD is not good. At least as far as his pro playing career goes. I enjoyed watching him play hockey. He was good. So was ERIC LINDROS. And SIDNEY CROSBY.
Maybe the NHL isn't interested in my viewing enjoyment any more?

The Cup tippeth over

2011-08-30T14:59:00.005-06:00

Some of us got upset with Def Leppard frontman JOE ELLIOTT when he had the audacity to put the thing upside down on a table and say he was a soccer guy.

Just what are we gonna do with Michael Ryder after THIS?

They've got to be kidding. Right?

2011-08-19T16:52:00.004-06:00

News flash: According to CBC.ca, Hell's Angels are JUST LIKE US.
Who knew?

Bwaaaaaahhhhh-ha-ha-ha-ha!

2011-08-19T13:52:00.000-06:00

Exhibition basketball at its finest.
At about the 25-second mark on the left of the screen one of the Chinese players is feeding a G-Town guy on the floor some stiff rights.

Net reduction

2011-08-18T11:47:00.002-06:00

Goal-scorers may find THIS target harder to hit. Or not.

Reason Online photo/hed combo

2011-08-18T00:28:00.002-06:00

The article, in the unlikely event anybody cares.

It was bound to happen at some point

2011-08-17T08:33:00.004-06:00

What happens when your brand is being worn by someone you don't want seen wearing it? Simple. You just PAY to have that person not wear it.
I'm trying to work a deal like this with Walmart's B.U.M. brand right now.

A not so novel way to spend the summer

2011-08-15T20:45:00.002-06:00

Unlike Amy Winehouse, I didn't see THIS ONE coming.
R.I.P., Rick.

A novel way to spend the summer

2011-08-15T19:19:00.002-06:00

What I did for my summer vacation: By NIKOLAI KHABIBULIN

Eat it, hippies

2011-08-10T00:55:00.001-06:00

Reason rocks the oilsands.

Happy Anniversary, Oilers fan

2011-08-09T23:37:00.000-06:00

Greatest song ever

2011-08-07T22:38:00.001-06:00

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

Darwinism and multi-category goonage

2011-08-05T13:26:00.003-06:00

Well, at least no one ever accused SEAN AVERY of being the brightest bulb in the rink.

The Music Man

2011-08-03T23:46:00.000-06:00

Before The Monorail promised cushy jobs to brain-dead slobs

And Peter Griffin went off on the ultimate post-TD taunt

There was the glorious original

Even the Beatles covered one of the tunes

A movie with Shirley Jones AND Buddy Hackett!? How could it not be great.

Wang beaten

2011-08-01T23:29:00.003-06:00

Looks like you'd better get cracking on that new arena, Quebec. Time is of the essence. Not like the roads need fixing or anything.

Hurry hard

2011-07-22T22:33:00.001-06:00

Check out the new logo of the Winnipeg Curling Rinks.

From Medicine Hat to Motor City

2011-07-20T23:08:00.003-06:00

Hard to believe Detroit Red Wings General Manager Ken Holland scouted CHRIS OSGOOD, at The Arena in Medicine Hat, all those years ago.
As chief junior-league scout for the Red Wings, Holland would spend time in the early 1990s watching Osgood backstop the Western Hockey League's Medicine Hat Tigers. The Red Wings picked Osgood 54th overall (3rd round) in the NHL's 1991 entry draft.
Four-hundred NHL wins later, including three Stanley Cups, Osgood retires.
Is he an HHOF candidate?

Money

2011-07-19T09:40:00.002-06:00

Even in retirement JOE SAKIC is nothing but money.
Nice!

Warranty void in 90210

2011-07-15T07:34:00.003-06:00

Not only did the Oil get BUB SLUG back, they got him out of Tinseltown for NEXT TO NOTHING. Turns out that next to nothing is CLEAVED.

Transparency redefined

2011-07-12T21:26:00.005-06:00

Canadian Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird urinated all over NORTH KOREA yesterday to protest that marinonette nation's selection to steer the UN conference on disarmament. And why not? N.K. isn't exactly the poster child for armed stability on the Korean peninsula. Canada's "boycott" of this travesty expected to last a month or something, Baird huffs.
The very next day he announces he's HEADED FOR CHINA to deepen Canada's trade relations with the very nation that pull's N.K.'s strings.
Just. Follow. The. Money.

Your Winnipeg Jets

2011-07-12T20:11:00.002-06:00

ALPHABET SOUP comes to mind.

Bag-skate him in front of all Scottsdale cabbies

2011-07-12T19:53:00.004-06:00

Former Calgary Flames poster boy BRETT SUTTER has copped a plea for the game of Whack-a-Cabbie he started in Scottsdale, AZ, back in November. No word on what he'll get, but, getting dealt back to the Flames would be more than enough punishment.

Cogs goes quackers

2011-07-12T10:42:00.003-06:00

Looks like the ITALIAN GRETZKY is off to warmer climates.
How can the Oil possibly win the Cup now?

Call me Kresgin

2011-07-01T23:19:00.000-06:00

I see a lottery pick in the Oilers' future.

Eenie, meanie, minie, moe,
Jeebus christ the Oilers blow.

OSHL ownership changes

2011-06-30T21:03:00.002-06:00

July 1 is upon us. Canada Post is putting a crimp on our cheque collections, but a couple of long-time owners have sent their regrets already. Both are embedded in the very thread of this pool.

Cal is stepping down after more than 15 years as either owner or co-owner of the Red Dogs, during which time he captured 2 Howe trophies. The godfather of the no-dicker trade proposal, Cal spent the first decade of the OSHL's existence laughing at the Sausages and Chainsaws pouring over the stats, claiming he had a life to lead. He first joined us as a co-co-co-co-owner with Vaughn and Ken and a fading Purina Boners owner Rob to form for one season what was known as the 4SkinBoners. Rob then dropped out, Vaughn jumped ship and started the Bullfrogs, and Cal and Ken continued on as the Red Dogs.
Coming out of the most recent NHL work stoppage, Cal won the OSHL draft lottery, meaning he got Sid the Kid immediately after capturing the Howe. Ironically, his former co-owner Ken - who had split to take on an expansion franchise - was the first lotto ball out of the bag and got stuck with the last pick. Oh how we laughed. Anyway, turns out Jimmy Howard was a decent booby prize.
Cal dealt off Crosby partway through that first season in a 5-1 swap with the Chainsaws. Never known as the most vocal owner in the league, Cal's follow-up crack on that deal years later was, "You've got Crosby and you still can't build a winner!"
Cal crafted our trophies (there used to be many more but Aron kept leaving them at bus stops) and even refashioned the original Howe trophy into a Stanley Cup replica.
After a year co-owning with nephew Brennan, the Red Dogs will now be owned full-time by the young upstart, with the possibility that Ken might step back in as a co-owner.

Brian W is the elder stateman of the OSHL. He has the second-longest tenure in the entire pool - next to the Sausages - after taking over the Noogies in 87-88 and re-christening them after The Who song. Brian hosted a draft in the late 80s that featured a young Dave eagerly handing out crustless baloney sandwiches (and JD shots to the Killer Bees). The youngster was so enamoured with the OSHL experience he later became a co-owner with Dad, before splitting off to form the Sacco Potatoes.
The Slip Kids captured the Orr in only their 2d season, a feat they managed again in 94-95. They peaked in 05-06 with a runner-up Howe finish.
Brian has often served as the voice of reason in a sea of hotheads and was a steadying influence in the difficult days after we lost Bob.
Perhaps the biggest stamp Brian put on the pool has been his enormous efforts on draft day, where he was auctioneer for so many years it became difficult to recall a time when he wasn't.
And of course there are the OSHL photos. Dozens, maybe hundreds, in all. The changing face of the pool is part of the electronic record. Available in 06, which used to contain a high-comedy quote from Shaf after he was awarded the CHED Goodguy Award but was airbrushed out like a Soviet-era pic when he ran against Mayor Tommy Shanks in the recent election, 07, 08, and 2010. Not sure what happened in 2009. Forget to take the lens cap off the camera, maybe.

We wish all the best to Cal and Brian. And I personally thank them for their contributions toward making the OSHL the institution it has become.

Best wishes, gentlemen.

Two minutes for taunting

2011-06-30T17:08:00.003-06:00

Taunting has never been so much fun.

For posterity

2011-06-29T14:25:00.003-06:00

Just so that I have it somewhere close, when the bad times hit.

If these four make it, who'd they miss?

2011-06-28T15:42:00.002-06:00

The Hockey Hall of Fame has named its four PLAYER INDUCTEES for 2011.

Any glaring omissions?

Hope springs eternal in River City

2011-06-28T15:33:00.005-06:00

Dunno, boys. But I'm going to be looking forward to all those games on SNOIL this season with the return of RYAN SMYTH and the addition of RYAN "THE HYPHEN" NUGENT-HOPKINS.

The question begs: Is Tom Renney the right guy to be in charge of all these high-flying assets?

J-E-T-S JETS! JETS! JETS! JETS!

2011-06-24T11:58:00.006-06:00

After much consideration, deliberation and the obligatory hand-wringing of dedicated Winnipeg Jets fans, the powers that be have exercised the wisdom of the common hockey fan and decided to call Winnipeg's NHL hockey team: THE JETS.
Even Nick Kypreos says that's what the name is going to be, so it must be true.
That WIND STORM that blew Calgary to the ground last night was the result of relieved Winnipeg hockey fans all exhaling at once.