2007-08 critical dates

Because nobody cares about the real world.

September
13 - Opening Day of NHL training camp. High point of the season for Alliance. Note to self: find new whipping boy.
14 - Some player, having participated in one scrimmage, is projected as the No. 1 pick in the farm draft. Brandon Bochenski falls to No. 2.
17 - First pre-season games. Dallas Drake scores three playing on a line with Datsyuk and Zetterberg. Bullfrogs put him on his "must get" list.
28 - Season starts for the Kings and Ducks in Limeytown. Pucks panic and decide not to protect anyone.
October
3 - Domestic season starts. Big Leagues panic, make 7 trades, leaving The Steel with -5 players on their roster.
6 - Draft Day. All teams tied for first, until the rosters are inputted, at which time the Bros. Grimm and the Chainsaws are officially eliminated from contention in their respective divisions.
November
10 - Hall of Fame Game pits NYR v TOR. At last report, godless commie Valeri Kharlamov, famous for being on the business end of a Bobby Clarke slash, starring on the losing squad in the Summit Series, and scoring a glorious zero NHL goals, is in. Meanwhile, Paul Henderson, heroic bagger of three game-winning goals in that same Summit Series, wearer of a red CCM helmet, and scorer of 236 NHL goals and another 140 in the WHA, is not in. Pre-game ceremony features special tribute to Hall voters, for showing the world that even mental defectives can succeed if they're related to the right people.
December
1 - The Willy Wonkas start bailing, with a rebuilding program built around OV.
19 - 27 - Christmas trade freeze in effect in the NHL. Ruda Beggars and Rahim's Twenty decide to go a different way and swap entire rosters with each other.
30 - World Juniors start. Nobody outside Canada will give a rat's ass.
January
4 - Game of the Week starts on the F/X network. Pre-empted by repeats of The Shield in some markets.
15 - Atlanta hosts the 172nd running of the Kentucky Derby, no, the Rose Bowl, um, the NHL All-Star Game. Even Canadians don't care.
February
9 - The Mother Corpes's Hockey Day in Canada. Shut-ins and people suffering from encephalitis love it. Others, not so much.
15-17 - Something called "Hockey Weekend Across America" This one sounds like Michael Jackson and Quincy Jones might be involved.
26 - NHL Trade deadline features a nine-hour show on TSN where the expert panel dissects the Jeff Cowan for Nolan Baumgartner blockbuster. After the network goes to a 13-hour repeat loop of sportscentre featering Blue Jays spring training highlights, NHL head office releases details of the non-fictional trades. With only days until the OSHL trade deadline, the Pucks and BigLeagues complete 26 trades, including 11 between themselves.
April
6 - Final game of regular season. Everyone stopped caring three months ago. OSHL off-season begins.